What if Love

While my parents were supportive of me and my brother, they were nontrivially abusive. I largely understand why because I know quite a bit about what had happened to them; in comparison, I know that some people have grown up enjoying very constructive relationships with their parents, or so they tell me, and I have no reason to doubt them.

In addition, I am who I am, and would not wish away my divergence; nonetheless, I also sometimes wonder what it might have been like to have grown up not quite so different… maybe even just 2 or 3 standard deviations instead of 5 or 6.

I do not wish that my life had actually been different, as this specific path has led to joys and wonders that I would not risk changing (as in the movie About Time); however, I still mull over the possibilities, as that can inform decisions about my navigation into the future. 

Taken all together, I wonder how love might have been different in my life, and – more importantly – how it might be different.

With this song, I am still experimenting with styles. A couple of early versions were okay, but they were more like a much older style of ballad, and ended up having a sort of bard-like sound; in fact, the one with the male lead sounded too plaintive and pretentious… too full of himself. (The name “Joshua Mourn-Steadley” came to mind.)  The version linked here is one that I like better.

Here are the lyrics, which I have been changing up a bit.